I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that I was your roommate and we were in a fairly small motel room, and you had a bad fever. You were shivering and sweating and I was worried for you. Blankets were not enough to warm the chill you had in your soul and I was afraid to leave you to get help. I woke up at 3:30 am after this dream and had to write this just to process through how shook up I felt upon waking.
This feeling I had upon waking was similar to how I used to feel when my house burned down. While we were in transitionary housing during this time, I would wake up in the hotel room feeling shocked about what happened and about the fact that I was in a different place and that the home I knew was no longer. I had to quickly learn how to stop what I was doing, drop all my plans, and then learn how to roll it all over to God. Easier said than done? Probably; but we either get along with God’s plan for us or we get dragged around. We were not fully able to experience the "moment" until we learned this.
One of the great things “Anonymous” programs offer is a structured way of self examination in a supportive environment with others perhaps going through the same process. During this fearless moral inventory, what is found is often a surprise to us as we begin to “see ourselves” differently. Our behaviors change. Ultimately, we have the opportunity to find out who we truly are despite our experiences and ingrained belief systems and what we’ve “been told” about ourselves. We find a freedom in being able to stand up for ourselves, create boundaries and practice spiritually principled living.
I have learned that grace is real and God is always there for us. He never leaves us no matter what the accuser might say. Begin to be joyful in the Lord because he has already overcome your ailment. We must actually be willing to let our natural man go and hold onto who we really are in the spiritual realm because ultimately that is where we go back.
You were bought for a price and you belong to God. No sublevel force has authority over you and it must leave in the name of Jesus. Neither Lucifer nor his minions have authority over you. Archangel Michael and countless other advocates for God and the power of the Holy Spirit usher a hedge of protection around you and a new season of refreshment. This will be coming to you on multiple levels. You were given the authority over the “powers and principalities” by God. I know it seems almost impossible but, you do have the ability and His power to extend grace and mercy upon yourself and forgive yourself.
Ask Him to show you how to follow him and even for willingness if necessary. If you can’t do that then pray for mercy. It works. This is not original stuff! Do you remember the story about the man who was told by Jesus to sell all of his things to follow the Lord? Thoughts are things. These “things” can simply be a “belief” which we hold in our heart. It’s hard to imagine that we could actually treasure bad feelings but I am convinced that we can become even more addicted to the chemicals we create in our own bodies from thinking about our “victim story” too much or not facing our inner demons.
These stress hormones are proven to reduce immune response. I believe that these are just as responsible for the disease in our minds and bodies as anything else. If we hold resentment in our heart it shows up in our lives (and bodies) and can rob us of what we are promised which is the peace of God. We have learned the process of letting go and now we must practice.
The only way I have found peace is through the love of Christ and his word. Scripture is so powerful and directs our higher selves. The natural man doesn’t want it but our spiritual man will stagnate without it. We know we must “let go” but something has seemed to hold us back. I believe that “something” is the abandoned parts of ourselves that directs our lives in such a way that we have to feel their pain. Do you think it any coincidence that we are told that we must become like a child again to enter into the kingdom of heaven. For me that is being a child of wonder and trust.
The lack of nurturing of these younger parts of ourselves explain the compulsivity which can be one our biggest challenges. These ones are responsible for creating the “patterns” in our life where we end up the same place over and over again, only to finally realize after much pain that we are the common denominator in all of these instances. We question; maybe there is more going on than we realized.
So many of us who have grown up in abusive or absentee parent households were not given the environment where we were able to mature properly. Many of us lacked guidance, had to “grow up quick", and now must go back and pay attention to ourselves. Then we can practice letting go and being of service. These younger parts of ourselves at various ages still exist. The never got to grow up and then we abandoned them just to survive our situations. Now we have the opportunity to love all parts of ourselves regardless of our own opinion.
God does bring everything for good for us. He can restore his blessing upon us by giving us new eyes to see and ears to hear. When I learn how to look at my past and those part of myself in a different way I can change the conclusion of my story (Destiny). The change in feelings I have about this reshape the way I internalize my experience so I don’t have to be bound by it anymore. I am learning how to integrate all the parts of me. Slowly but surely I don't beat myself up as much anymore. Maybe this dream was about me not leaving me.
God always welcomes us back like the prodigal son! Peace and a restful spirit, I pray for you. You can do this, in Jesus name, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment